I've always heard that witnessing someone die can be a spiritual experience and I've never really doubted it, but its one thing to hear about it and another to actually be there when it does happen. Today I was able to be present when my sweet grandfather passed away. It was a very touching moment. He passed on to his next life while the hymn, "Be Still My Soul" was playing in the background. It is something I will always remember. I'm so grateful that he is finally back with my grandma and they can be together forever. What a blessing it is to have this knowledge! The Gospel is true!! How wonderful that God loves us so much that he lets us live together forever with the ones we truly love. It should be a sad thing, but I'm truly happy for him and my grandma. My heart is at peace and I'm just grateful for the awesome experience I had today!

When I grow up...

I've always been very interested in the life of Emma Smith, wife to the prophet Joseph Smith. Her strength and courage often overcomes me. I just cannot imagine having the life she had and being able to survive and survive with the faith and happiness that she did. Recently I watched the movie "Emma Smith: My Story". While not all of the timelines were accurate, I truly am touched by her faith in not only the gospel, but in her husband Joseph. Her good humor, patience, courage, and fortitude make me want to be like her.

She went through so much while on this earth, not only while she was married to Joseph, but after his death as well. It has always bothered me greatly when people say that she lost her faith, or that she turned her back on the Gospel. I truly believe this was not the case.

While on my mission, I read a very good Ensign article all about Emma and her life after Joseph's death. It was written by one of her ancestors and said how much she really did suffer after he was martyred. It said something like after all she had gone through, it wasn't that she didn't believe in the gospel anymore or that she didn't believe Brigham Young was to be the prophet or whatever other rumors people spread, but that she was so tired and worn out from all the hardships she had passed through that she just didn't feel the need or want to move yet again. I wish I could remember the month of that article because I would want everyone to read it.

Anyway, I don't think any of us can judge her state of mind after the prophets murder, or at anytime of her life for that matter. I mean, how many of us have lost more children that raised? Have been driven from home to home, city to city? Have taken people/strangers off the streat and given them our bed to sleep in? Have seen our husbands and loved ones beaten and ridiculed, then murdered in cold blood?

There is no way I could have the strength to live through all Emma Smith did. I only pray and hope that I can be like her as I grow up. With faith,patience, strength, courage, good humor, love and charity. She is an example to me and I hope to you.

Her mother-in-law Lucy Mack Smith said,

“I have never seen a woman in my life, who would endure every species of fatigue and hardship, from month to month, and from year to year,” she wrote, “with that unflinching courage, zeal, and patience, which she has ever done.”

Sorry this is getting so long, its just been on my mind for a while now. There is a song that I think describes my feelings about this. Its off the ablum "A Nashville Tribute to the Propeht Joseph".

EMMA
Written by Jason Deere
Never had an ordinary day

Never lived your life in an ordinary way

For everything you loved you paid a price

But you couldn’t let the world see you cry
Never had a moment of peace

Never felt the sunlight

When the worries set you free

Every time your life turned a page

It seemed like your heart might break
With the world on your shoulders

When the nights had grown colder

You seemed to weather every storm

With a queen’s grace

When you lost your husband

When you buried your children

I’m sure the angels stood in reverence as you prayed

How much can on heart take
Never had a day to call your own

When so many needed your warm heart as a home

Whispering a mother’s lullaby

As you sat alone by the fire
And I’m sure your heart breaks,

when some people still say

Somewhere down the line you lost your faith

How much can one heart take

How much can one heart take