Pretty funny...and true

Okay so I found this blog that is quite hilarious and there was this post about being a single mormon and i just have to post it!! I'm not being bitter ;) but this really is so funny!!!

Mormons Like Setting Up Single Mormons


After high school, the only way for Mormons to avoid having other Mormons constantly try to set them up on blind dates is to get married, leave the church, or come out of the closet. Granted, there is a season of respite if a Mormon chooses to become a Mormon missionary because missionaries do not (or perhaps I should say "should not") date while on missions. However, once the missionary finishes his or her mission, he or she should prepare for the onslaught of reentering the dating pool as fresh meat.

Make no mistake about it. It is difficult to be a single Mormon. There are a number of reasons for this. Some of them stem from the import Mormons place on marriage and families. However, a big chunk of the difficulties experienced by single Mormons come from other Mormons inadvertently driving single Mormons absolutely loony. This occurs in many ways, but the persistence of Mormons in trying to set up Mormon singles certainly adds to the chances of single Mormons becoming clinically insane.

How does this happen? Imagine the following conversation between a Mormon married couple while eating dinner at the Cheesecake Factory.

Mormon Guy: "Boy, this snickers cheesecake sure is good."

Mormon Woman: "Yeah... I wish we could find someone for my friend DeAnne."

Mormon Guy: "Yeah. Can I have a bite of your cheesecake?"

Mormon Woman [shoveling a spoonful of cheesecake towards her husband]: "What do you think about lining her up with your friend Bill?"

Mormon Guy: "I don't know... I guess I can see that... Are you going to finish your--"

Mormon Woman [interrupting]: "I mean don't you think they would be perfect together. They are both such good members of the church. They would be so cute. Tell me something I don't know about him."

Mormon Guy: "Um, are you going to finish your cheesecake?"

Mormon Woman: "No, go ahead."

Mormon Guy: [Chewing... Swallowing...] "He really like sports."

Mormon Woman: "Oh, DeAnne hates sports."

Mormon Guy: "That is probably no big deal. He works so much, he can't watch them much anyways."

Mormon Woman: "It always drove DeAnne nuts how much her last boy friend worked. And, when he wasn't working, she complained that he often wanted to watch sports instead of do other things."

Mormon Guy: "Shwee ditted..."

Woman [interrupting]: "Honey, you know I can't understand you when you talk with your mouth full."

Mormon Guy: [Chewing... Swallowing...] "She dated a guy like that? It sounds like Bill really is her type."

Mormon Woman: "They would be so cute together! Let's set them up."

Given this story, it might be surprising that Mormons have very high standards when setting up other Mormons. The two people must meet three strict criteria: (1) both are Mormons; (2) both are single; and (3) the two are of the opposite sex. Beyond this, it doesn't really matter whether the two have anything in common, whether they live in the same state, or even whether they would actually be a good match. Granted, if the two would look cute together, Mormons would consider this a plus. I also note, that relatives--particularly grandparents or caring aunts--look to set up Mormon relatives with Mormon professionals. (If you don't get the gist, think "Matchmaker, matchmaker find me a mo.")

What should Mormons expect on blind dates? In many cultures, blind dates are nothing more than going out for coffee in the middle of the day. This is not the case for Mormons. Part of this is because Mormons don't drink coffee. But most of this comes from the fact that during high school, many Mormons come to see beauty in marathon dates. After a few years of really, really long dates, it is hard to revert to meeting for a half hour in the middle of the day. So, if you are on a blind date as a Mormon, get ready for a long ordeal. This may be great when the date is fun. However, when it is not so fun, Mormons will have the opportunity to develop patience.

What is the mood of Mormon blind dates? Ideally it would be a pretty casual deal. However, in reality it can be a bit of a pressure cooker. Those setting up other Mormons have expectations--namely that the two will fall immediately in love and find each other as eternal companions no later than the first date. And, those doing the setting up can even feel a little disappointed if it does not work out. I mean, it seemed so clear that the two that were set up would have made such a cute couple. In some cases, particularly in the case of the guy who was set up, Mormons can have some hard feelings if things don't work out.

It should also be noted that Mormons do not feel any social awkwardness in setting up other Mormons. Does it matter that the person wanting to set you up is a church leader? No. What if he or she was was a boss at work? No. But a gynecologist would never set up a patient, right? Wrong. If the person doing the setting up and those being set up acknowledge each other's Mormonism, that is about all that matters.

* I would like to thank a couple of people who gave me advice for this post. Particularly, I thank a friend in business school in New York and an online friend, WhiteEyebrows, for their collective advice regarding this post. It was helpful to get the perspective of single Mormons, particularly because one is a girl and one is guy. Actually, now that I think about it... How would the two of you feel about me setting the two of you up? I mean seriously, you two would make a really cute couple!